How To Spot A Lemon Guy

A Lemon Guy wears a white lycra suit and has a lemon for a head.

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋 The  Lemon Guy is very rare but easy to spot if one is nearby

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How To Spot A Sociopath

• They are charming
• They are spontaneous and intense
• They have no empathy
• They tell exaggerated stories with no proof of what they say is either true or false.
• They seek to dominate , to WIN at all costs
• They are below average intelligence,  but know how to manipulate people
• They  are wordsmiths and can tell a good story
• They  start to believe their own bullshit

How To Have Good Lighting In Videos

Good lighting^

Bad lighting ^

If you don't have good lighting inside then use natural lighting outside

• Have the sun behind you for natural  daytime lighting .
• 
  
• For night time events of lighting displays you should just film  it and see what happens. Events are usually held  over several nights,  this enables you to go back  the next evening if you didn't get something ,  or if it didn't turn out that well.

How To Become A YouTube Personality

• Film yourself sitting at your computer desk
• Have lots of jump cuts
• Talk about  what is wrong with other YouTubers
• Talk about your  problems
• Have a cat
• Show your cat in every video
• Make daily vlogs
• Have no original content of your own
• You are on your way

How To Make A Speech

• Use note cards ,  but don't read word for word
• Keep eye contact if talking to a camera
• Involve your audience
• Use an interesting vocabulary

• It is often that you don't want to make a speech but will have no choice in the matter
• So do it for the Fatherland

• Make it great !

How To Clickbait On YouTube

• Put some thought into your titles and  thumbnails
• Titles can be clickbait
• When you upload a new video, YouTube will promote it in side bars for 72 hours
• If you get enough views if might get ranked in YouTube search
• When you are a nobody on YouTube ( like me ) getting noticed is not an easy thing
• If you show an attractive woman in your thumbnail, then at least have her in your video clip
• Having the name of a famous YouTuber in your title does not get you lots of views ( when you are a nobody )

Hot Moms In Yoga Pants is successful,  I  might make a Hot Moms In Yoga Pants 2

This is some click bait that I  have used ^

WE HAVE BEEN DOING IT WRONG !

The Cult of EEL  is the one TRUE religion,  and nobody  has to get nailed to anything !


These are videos from the meetings.  I was there.
The meetings were long,  but time felt  like  it would stop.

How To Engage With Your YouTube Followers

This is a hard one for me and many people

We want engagement,  and not just subscribers that never look at our videos.

So how do you do it ?

• Say hello
• Answer every comment, on your video in the comment section Say thank you in different ways
• Be sincere 

I  get very few comments, but still enough to get an interest on who is viewing me.    I  will go to their channels,  and take a look.  And leave a comment so they know I  was there.

If you don't know what to say,  it would not hurt you to say  'nice video'

How To Tie A Tie

How to find your life purpose

Your Goldmine is Your Goal Mind

watch  this video^

How To Make North Korea Great Again !

• Firstly, do  something about the nuke threat
• Then  -   everything else
• freedom, food, electricity, etc. 

• And most importantly,  Let the Unicorns roam free

How To Make YouTube Great Again !

Listen with headphones ^

• More Poppy ( and could  Poppy  put her videos into playlists and have links at the end of her videos please )
• Make YouTube less like facebook
• To  make it less vague in the  T of S,  that would be helpful
• More of the good shit
• Less of  the bad shit
• Listen to Pewdiepie,  he is our One True King

How To Ring The World Peace Bell - I WAS THERE !

Remember to take along a small hammer

 Make sure   no one is watching when you ring it.
( Because most  people don't want world peace)

The bell was made in Japan with melted copper coins and donated to christchurch city.

Japanese people are nice and want peace

I  was there ^

How To Find The hidden Tags on any YouTube Video

• Play the video
• Pause the video
• Right click on an empty space just below the video
• view page source
• scroll down
• look for meta name= "keywords"

You  may  want to copy some tags for your   YouTube videos

How To Attract Money

Say  this chant

Meditate and get money

You want money ?   You 've got it !

How To Spot A Douchbag

Glasses on the back of head

Avoid these Dickhead Douchbags

This Gun Shop Owner,  looks normal enough, but is a complete douche.  (  He is often in the news for douchbagary )

How To Prepare A Kiwi

 Things might get a little  messy

How To Inception A Person

Inception is just a movie, but  planting an idea in someone's mind is a reality.

There is a right way and a wrong way to inception a person

The wrong way example 1.  saying "Some of us need to buy alcohol"
                          example 2.  saying "Some of us need to catch taxies home"


A complete arsehole would say   either of these 2  examples above.


The right way example1. "  Somebody needs to say something to_______  about______and it would be better coming from you"


[disclaimer :   This blog post  has no reference or relation  to any person  living  or dead ]

Just  some fine print here . Nothing to see , move along.

How To Play The Bass Guitar Like Me !

You can't play  it like me, because you are not me

But there are things you can do

• Always keep your guitar in tune

• Play and record  for a short time, but do it every day

• Play  mostly on one string

• Never Slap your Bass

• Play patterns that you like, make them short and simple ( only one or two bars long )

Here is some music I  made recently, with a simple bass line.

How To Play The Guitar Like Me !

You can not play  Guitar like me because you are not me. But this is some of what I  do.

• Always Keep your guitar in tune. ( use a tuner )

• Don't hold down the strings,  but play the strings muted as much as possible.

•   Sometimes I will use an E Bow and not a guitar pick.

• Have an interesting video to go with the music

Look ^ An interesting video and music !

How To Find All The Porn You Will Ever Need

You can find some porn with a google search,   but what you need is the search engine that finds ONLY porn  .   It  is called Boodigo ( Boodigo.com )  

I am a good person and not posting any porn here

I  am a good person

How To See If Your YouTube Strategy Is Working

The most  useful tool in analytics  is the real time views

Updated every 10 seconds.  

See  your YouTube view count,  and are any changes  you have just made working?

How To Get More Bang From Twitter

There are a few websites that offer a free service that you can link to your twitter.
This is something that I  use.

The link will send an instant message to all new followers.

My message I  use is ' Thanks for following,  have you seen my new music video'
( I   make royalty free music )
This is working good,  and is getting some engagement for me.  

You can make your message anything,  I  would recommend that you keep it short and to the point.


Go to my twitter if you want the link.  There is a link to my twitter account on the G+  profile

• Follow back everyone who follows you
• If you are a musician,  have yourself holding the said instrument in the twitter  thumbnail. Music crosses all language barriers and can get you a following all over the world.
• There is a 5000 limit on following,  so why not use it ?
• Link your Youtube to your Twitter
• Use Twitter analytics to see what is your most read tweet ,  and pin that tweet.

How To Use Green Screen Effects In YouTube Videos

There are a few different ways.  Let US count the ways !

• The most  obvious one is having a green tarp or painting a wall green in your house
• Paint an item that you can hold green
• Green screen clips on youtube that have a green background and are free to use
• The sky

Adjust  the tint settings on videos of grass and trees to make them more green screen friendly.

And that is how you do it.

Watch  my YouTube videos  for examples

Here is a video I made below

How To Find Your Blogger Dashboard

Google are F**k'n around again  .  This  time with Blogger.

The dashboard that you know and love is no more.

But you will find the list of your blogs with clickable links in a dropdown menu next to your title.
Look  for the small down arrow  ▼

How To Do Stuff Yourself

For many of the simple and not so simple fixes,  you will find the answers on YouTube

In  some ways YouTube is much better than a blog, as you can see the thing happening and then know it must be true.

If you want to know what they are not telling you in an official help forum,  then  you might want to see what is being talked about on the BlackHat forums.

I have learnt from the BlackHat forums that it is not illegal to lie to Facebook.  And Facebook only check names and birthdays on IDs

How To Find The Full History On Google Chrome

Right click  on the arrow point left. Top left and  in line with your search bar


◀︎  -   arrow pointing left

this will give you a dropdown menu with the history as the last item

How To Fix Your Computer When It Freezes

Restart.
If you have a PC laptop it might be easier to remove the battery than to restart

Restart an apple laptop from the top left corner  of the screen

How To be a Success !

10  easy steps to be a success.
watch  these youtube videos

part 0ne

part 2

Parts 3 

parts 4 and 5

parts 6 ,7 , and 8

parts 9 and 10

How To Gig ( With country TED )

Before his retirement from the professional music industry, Country Ted was a household name.

He plays music and keeps it simple,  just  like himself.

Country Ted plays Bass guitar and there is no government record of him that is kept  anywhere, of him molesting farm animals, or digging up dead bodies and playing with them.

Country Ted still has  talent , and is now discovering the YouTube and giving free practical advice .

How To Make Horror Music

The process is as follows:

• I will start with a drone  synth sound
• Low sounds are very good
• Find a keyboard sound you like and add a new layer
• Play  randomly 
• go back and edit out anything that is a bit too random!
• Add some  Guitar, Bass guitar and maybe drums

How To Read Tarot Cards

It is like playing guitar

You will start off knowing nothing

but keep practicing 

Get the basics and you can do it.

Help people

and make the world a better place

How To ASMR [ good feeling ]

Listen  to the sound of my voice

How To Be A Creepy Stalker Person

I will follow you

Yes you !

Only you

How To Film a House Tour

Use a camera

This is my house

Now Go away

How To Avoid Spirit Possession - You can Do It !

You can do it !

Don't get possessed

How To deal with ghosts !

See the Doctor

The Doctor is IN

How To Be a Slamming Rockstar ft. Ethan Bradberry

Slamming !

How To Rob A Bank !

We both go in

we take what we want

and then we get out

How To Make A Human Centipede !

You will need ^

Please don't make a Human Centipede

This is not cool !